watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
