Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
