he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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