Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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