I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
