omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
