Pregnant stripper...not hot.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My breasts were aching with rage.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize