hotel room ftw
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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