my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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