maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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