I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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