so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
