my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
