im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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