You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize