I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
