she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
