imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
