PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
