i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
