I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
