i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
