Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
