elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Drunk is a universal language darling
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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