i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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