i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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