dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
