You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
