I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
