I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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