Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
