First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
