There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
