Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
