You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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