are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
