Moan for me like Helen Keller
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
