1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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