Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
