I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
