I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
