can u get pink eye on your cock?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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