More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
