It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
