pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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