Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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