just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
