do herpes really smell.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
