Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
