so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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