so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
