I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
