GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
