the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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