is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
