I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
