This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
