do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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