Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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