I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
