he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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