remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
