I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
