im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
