she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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