Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
