We're facebook friends in real life
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
