Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
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