i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
