My hand turned me down
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
