I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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