the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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