alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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