I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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